


remember the way you made me feel

by lvnare



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: ...but not really, Angst, Best Friends Choi Soobin & Choi Yeonjun, Cardiomyopathy, Childhood Friends, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sick Character, Sorry Not Sorry, Terminal Illnesses, Unrequited Love, first published fic help-, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:48:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27626315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lvnare/pseuds/lvnare
Summary: "I remember the way you made me feel.""It was beautiful — we were so young, but it was real, I know it.""Why couldn't we have just stayed in that moment forever?"Alternatively, a tale of two childhood friends who didn't know what either of them truly meant to each other until it was too late.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	remember the way you made me feel

_I hate this part, paper hearts_

_And I'll hold a piece of yours_

_Hoping that you won't forget about it_

✧

Hands entwined together, Yeonjun and Soobin ran around a flower field freely, all laughs and smile and careful not to trip on the grasd.

"Hyung! I bet you can't catch me!" Soobin shouted at the older, a laugh in his voice as he unentwined his hand and started running away from Yeonjun.

"You bet!" Yeonjun responded as he started chasing the younger, both of them all smiles as they ran around, in their own world as they played.

They would play a million different games, they would do whatever, but even when it should have been dull, they were happy — they were together after all.

They'd spent their younger years like that — always together and happy.

Even as years passed by and they grew older, they were always together still, so much so that others thought they were a couple (which both of them vehemently denied — "Being together with him? Please, he's like my brother!").

Oh, how ironic it was then when they fell for each other — both of them frantically trying to hide what they felt in fear of losing their dearest and most beloved friend.

✧

Years passed and they still loved each other as dearly as when they were young. 

Years passed and they still loved each other and neither knew it.

Years passed and everything went downhill from there.

✧

Soobin went inside Yeonjun's house, spotting the older sobbing and the floor, legs pulled close to his body.

"Hyung? Hyung what happened? All I know was that you fainted and had to be brought to the hospital, I was so worried—," Soobin asked the still sobbing Yeonjun.

He waited in silence for the older's sobs to die down, just comforting him.

"C-cardiomyopathy, Bin. I got diagnosed with cardiomyopathy. The doctor says I only have about 2 years l-left to—" And he collapsed into sobs again.

"It'll be fine, hyung. There's treatments. And if it doesn't get better, then well, let's make the most of it," Soobin tried to be reassuring and unafraid, but the quaver in his voice gave away his fear.

✧

It quickly got worse from there and Yeonjun deteriorated quickly, until on the one day Soobin couldn't visit Yeonjun he got a letter saying—

_Binnie, I'm sorry. If you're reading this then, goodbye. I'm sorry I couldn't hold on for long. I just want to say that I love you Choi Soobin, I love you in the way that I want to hold you forever, that I want to kiss all of your worries away, and I have since we were in high school, maybe even longer than that. I'm sorry I can't be there for the rest of your life, but please don't forget about me. I hope that I'll always be part of your life, even if not in the way I had hoped. Please don't beat yourself up over this, be happy, if not for you, then for me._

_Yeonjun._

"I love you too, hyung, I love you so much," was all Soobin could say after reading the letter before he collapsed into heart-wrenching sobs.

✧

Years passed and Soobin still loved Yeonjun the same. 

He found someone else who he loved and had a family, but despite all that he still loved Yeonjun.

He could never forget him, and how could he, when Yeonjun was the person with whom he first experienced love, when the older had left such a big impact upon his life?

✧

"Hello, hyung. I missed you," Soobin whispered as the wind blew around him, disturbing the peace of the flower field he was in ever so slightly, the mosaic of color that the flowers created disturbed.

He was carrying a bouquet of purple lilacs, which he laid down upon the headstone of his dearest friend and first love.

A tree loomed over the headstone, and once Soobin had lain down the flowers, hot tears fell down his cheeks, and he was soon sobbing freely.

"I'm- I'm so sorry," he spoke, voice hitching as pain crept back into his heart once more.

"I remember the way you made me feel," he continued once he was in control of his voice enough to speak, "it was beautiful — we were so young, but it was real, I know it."

"Hyung, do you know this place? Our secret garden, remember? Even though the dead were buried here, it was so bright, so happy. But now it's just dull, like a shell of what it was when we were young, even though colorful flowers are aplenty here. It was you, hyung, you were the one that made this into a paradise. I miss you, I miss you so badly that it hurts to even think."

His voice died down as memories flooded him, leaving him with nowhere to hold on to, with nothing to save him from the merciless onslaught of memories — of them, together and happy.

"Why couldn't we have just stayed in that moment forever? We could've been together forever — you wouldn't have had to leave me all alone and broken like this. Why can't this part of our lives just stop existing? I'd give anything, _anything_ just to have you back, but I can't."

"I have my own family now, I found someone I love the same way I love you. But still, I wish that you didn't have to go. I still love you even after all these years."

"Hyung... sometimes I wish that this was just a story you know? So that we'd have our happily ever after and you'd never have left me and we'd love each other till the end of time. But life's cruel isn't it? Giving us love without us knowing it then taking it away with no chance to get it back."

And Soobin cried once more for the love that he had lost and he was never getting back, crystalline tears flowing down his cheeks — and that was that.

**Author's Note:**

> so- i wrote this in quite a rush + this is my first published fic so this isn't edited ... or good for that matter-
> 
> feedback and criticism are appreciated!! i rlly want to improve but please have some mercy for my poor clown soul TvT
> 
> thanks for reading!
> 
> say hi to me on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/Aut_mnLeaves)


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